May 26, 2007
· Filed under bipolar, meds, work
I talked to HH with Gary’s prodding. She’s one of the store managers (on the same supervisory level as NTP) and is the person who did my review. She’s also my friend, and is on my side. I told her what happened with NTP on Monday. She said that she’s noticed a change in me since, oh, about February. Same time that LM said he noticed. That she wished she’d said something to me then, to ask what was going on with me then. Maybe I wouldn’t have stuck with the damn Abilify for so long after it stopped working and spent so much extra money on it. She also said that she wishes I’d come to her a month ago when I stopped taking it and told her about it. I told her that I didn’t want to be a whiner, that it’s not in my nature to complain about personal stuff like that, or to ask for help or accomodations. She said that she was going to talk to the managers about it. So I have no idea what’s going to happen. NTP said we’d talk in a week about what was going on – I told HH that I didn’t know if the Geodon would even be working by then. That I felt better but knew that it was only the placebo effect. Today I found out that you’re supposed to take the shit with food otherwise you only absorb about half of the dose. Faaabulous. I’ve been taking the morning dose with food, but the nighttime dose has generally been at 10:45 – 11:00 pm or so. Long after I’ve eaten.
I also spoke with my stepmother, SC, today. She’s a kick-ass employment lawyer. She told me that in her opinion, I should talk to the general manager, GG, about the whole fakockta mess. (I don’t remember a lot of the specifics of what SC said, another side effect of the fucking Geodon and Wellbutrin. Oh wait, I already mentioned that. Shite. I emailed her what I was going to say with a plea for clarity and an apology for forgetting.) That bipolar disorder is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act. That I should go to the HR department in Dallas if I felt that I wasn’t getting anywhere with GG. That there are simple accomodations that can be made for me that won’t cost the fucking dear company a dime. I can sit in the back and answer the phones. I can be the cutter/puller. Anything that keeps me away from the great unwashed populace is good. Anything that doesn’t require me to be “on” is good. HH said that the job is like being in a show and that we have to be “on” pretty much all of the time. Let’s see how long other people last under this regime. Let’s see.
N.B. I know that the phrase is “trials and tribulations.” Someone said it to me the other way once in all seriousness and I had to work very hard to not crack up in their face. So I can act. Just not while my chemistry is fucked up.
UPDATE: 11:36 pm
Took my dose with some oozy mac and cheese. Yum! Total comfort food. Watched the first episode of BUGS from the BBC. It kind of really sucked. Filmed in the mid-nineties in the UK, so that translates to early eighties US. Style-wise, anyway.
May 23, 2007
· Filed under G, Life in Peekskill, cats, knitting, yarn
…self-striping yarn from Freshisle Fibers is available to those of us who emailed a looong time ago. The Yarn Harlot wrote about it on her blog last June and I have been frothing at the mouth patiently waiting for it since then. I’ll post pix as soon as it gets here. Meanwhile, you can drool over look at it on their site.
Meanwhile, can you guess what this is? 
It’s an impact print, on the wall, about eight feet up, in soot, of the wee bird that flew INTO OUR CHIMNEY. I was in the kitchen putting away the dishes when I heard this noise. A weird, fluttery, strange noise. I went into the foyer and saw Tigger batting at the glass fireplace door. I turned on the light and saw this thing flapping around in the (not cleaned) fireplace. Tigger was freaking out, “Look Momma! Look!” I looked at it closely, saw that it wasn’t a bat (poor thing was resting on the firebrick, dusted with ash), and called to G, “THERE’S A BIRD IN THE FIREPLACE!” I put the cats in the basement (sorry, guys), we opened the front door, then opened the fireplace door. The damn poor thing flew out of the fireplace and banged into the wall (leaving the unreachable sootprint), then flew (away from the wide open door) into the living room to rest behind the DVD rack. I was going to take a picture of it but realized that the flash would scare the bejezus out of it and restrained myself. G turned out the light in the living room and turned on the one by the door in the hopes that it would fly out the door. It flew up the stairs. Holy baby jeebus.
For fear of me getting rabies (can you get rabies from a bird? I don’t think so), G made me stay downstairs while he battled with trying to get our little feathery friend dowstairs. It kept going toward the lights. G opened a window, turned out the lights upstairs, then lit a flashlight in the window shining up toward the top of the window. Finally, with aid from a broom, it flew out the window. G said it’s probably not going to live, what with all the soot it was rolling around in and all the freaking out it did. Poor little bird. I feel so bad for it. We really need to get our chimney capped. Sigh.
May 21, 2007
· Filed under G, bipolar, gardening, meme
In the blogosphere, this means that I’m (somewhat) popular outside my own head. Someone else is reading me besides me and my own tiny circle of friends. Woohoo!
The rules:
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves
2. People who are tagged write a blog post about their own 8 random things and post these rules
3. At the end of your blog you need to tag 8 people and post their names
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
My eight things:
1. I’m bipolar type 1 with paranoid features. This makes for interesting living.
2. I have four tattoos: Hello Kitty 
on my right shoulder, “Dwennimmen,” an adinkra symbol, “Thorn,” a Viking rune, and a combination of the astrological symbols for “Leo” and “Sagittarius” on the left side of my back. I want more. And I want this guy to do them.
3. I have lived with: three husbands, twelve cats, three dogs, one tarantula, and two snakes. One could argue that the first of the husbands doubles as one of the snakes, but the snakes were nicer. And warmer-blooded.
4. I’m 99 44/100% sure I’m not going to have any kids. Of my own, or anyone else’s. See random fact #1.
5. I love chocolate. LOVE chocolate. Especially Scharffen Berger Extra Rich Milk (41% cacao). Oh joy of joys!
6. I love taking photographs. I love seeing what I’ve actually captured in the lens. I’m using a digital Canon Powershot G3 as of late.
7. I’m not very good at taking care of myself. I have little or no coping mechanisms whatsoever, despite spending about twenty years in therapy. They don’t call them the-rapists for nothing.
8. I love gardening. Well, I like digging in the dirt and hoping for things to grow. There are about thirty seed packets downstairs awaiting my attention.
I was tagged by Ellie.
I’m tagging, um, Shunra, Wendy, Stephanie, Penny, Penny, Gary, Liz, and Maven. You’re it!
May 18, 2007
· Filed under bipolar, meds, work
At 10:22 pm I took the first 20 mg dose of the dreaded Geodon. I’ve heard so many horror stories about it. Mostly from Crazy Meds, in fact, all the shit I’ve heard was from there, but still. There is reliable information there. Dr. W. said that people either love it or hate it. There are some interesting side effects to watch out for. Like changes in heart rhythm. Like gas. Like really bad memory problems. Like I can afford to lose any more of my memory. Jerod wrote that, “As for our experience with it, Geodon eliminated Mouse’s short-term memory. The real short-term memory of the previous seven seconds. She couldn’t remember what she had said, what she had put in her pocket, anything like that…” I’m really looking forward to that. But supposedly it’s really good for mixed states, which is really my problem; dysphoric mania mixed with depression. Apparently I’m not alone in my paranoid features thing either, it’s very common in the bipolar spectrum. Fun, right?
UPDATE: 11:42 pm
Starting to feel woozy. Must. Stay. Awake. To finish laundry. 7 am meeting at work tomorrow. Ugh.
UPDATE: 1:02 am October 26, 2007
Crazy Meds is no longer a useful site. It may be for sale. I don’t know where Jerod et al went. I am very, very frustrated.
May 11, 2007
· Filed under beads, meds, shopping
I ordered my mom a pair of pajamas from Pajamagram.com for arrival tomorrow. They have really nice stuff, and most of it comes in plus sizes, too. I’m going to probably make her a pair of earrings and mail them today – I still haven’t bought her a card (bad daughter!) or one for my MIL either. After I go to my session, I’ll go down to The Westchester to the Hallmark store and pick out something nice for both of them. If there’s anything left. Nothing like waiting ’til the last fucking second, right?
I finally called Dr. Weiser, the consulting psychiatrist, and he called back to set an appointment, next Friday at 10 am. $350 for an hour. Jesus H. Christ.
My friend, Liz, is being induced today with her second baby girl. Here’s sending lots of mental lemonade to you, and hoping you finally get that spicy tuna roll you’ve been craving! I wonder if they’ve picked out a name yet…
May 11, 2007
· Filed under G, Life in Peekskill, cats, gardening, grill, pampering, shopping
We bought the grill. Oh. My. Dear. It is going to be huge. It’s being delivered in about a week, I think next Friday. It is gorgeous, and going to last for a very long time. This is the last year that they’re making them in the US/Canada, next year they’re going to be made overseas (China?). It comes with a cover, and a pull-out tray for the propane tank (“My name’s Hank Hill and I sell propane.”) and a warming tray. Plus it has like 600 square inches of cooking space. G’s so excited. He bought a reel lawnmower (also called a prison mower) and cut the grass. When we came home I noticed and was so impressed! We need to get a weed whacker for the dandelions and stuff. I think some Liquid Weed-B-Gon too.
I got my nails done Tuesday, too. At apparently the only nail salon in Peekskill. Srsly, in Harrison, you couldn’t swing a dead Republican without hitting a nail salon. Here, only one. I felt so pampered. They did my nails a little too thick, and a little too square, but I’ll fix that easy enough. Got my toes done too, in a color to match my flip-flops. Exactly. “Whore Pink,” I think my mom calls it. Yeah, that’s right. Got my eyebrows done too, but “Nancy” screwed up a little bit and I have tiny marks on my eyelids. Ow. I think the wax was too hot. She didn’t blow on it. Have to train them up a tiny bit. 
We installed another a/c unit in G’s office. We’ve got it running in the bedroom (the bedroom is down to 68˚, the rest of the upstairs is at a balmy 78˚) and he wants to lock the cats out for the night. I think it’s going to be a howling nightmare when they want to get in to be with us. He says they’ll be fine, and we’ll install a cat door in the bedroom door tomorrow. We’ll see.
May 8, 2007
· Filed under Léa, family, yarn
Carolynn 05/05/07 Here’s my prego sister looking très fashionable in an Old Navy dress. I don’t know why it won’t let me show the thumbnail picture. PITA. They all oohed and ahhed over the booties and blanket; I hope she really does like it. Here is the cutest, most delicious baby on the face of the earth: Léa 05/05/07 My niece, Léa and her daddy, Sam.
Today I got a birthday present from my friend, Penny. I had admired the crocheted cupcakes on her site (are they on Etsy, too?) and she sent me one! 
Complete with sprinkles. Oh yum! Also Rock Candy Bath Ordnance in Orange Cream scent. 
Sooo yummy. Last but not least, a wee cellphone charm with a fairy and a cherry blosom bead. So sweet! Thank you so much, Penny!
May 5, 2007
· Filed under bipolar, family, knitting, meds, work, yarn
with C’s carriage blanket! I stuffed the booties that I’d originally made for S. (and lost two days before her shower, necessitating the furiously fast knitting of yet another pair of booties at the shower) with lavender tissue. 
I’m not happy with the way they came out, I think I’d do a much better job of them now with a short row heel instead of a heel flap; they’re kind of misshapen and funny-looking. One’s bigger than the other. But they’re CashMerino. Soffffft. I’d block them but I still haven’t bought WoolWash (stupid girl) and have nothing to block them on. Hopefully they’ll fit a tiny pair of feet. I can always knit more. They shouldn’t take more than a few hours. At least the friggin’ blanket is finished.
My session Friday (today? yesterday? what time is it?) was good. It came out that I was diagnosed ADD when I was a younger adult (was on Ritalin for a bit of a while, don’t remember why I’m not anymore) and that concentrating is a very difficult task for me. Has been even more so since starting on Abilify. I had the worst time concentrating on the training, since we were out on the floor a good bit of the time, with all of the noise and distraction, it was horrid. I was terrified that I’d fail the class, what with all that fucking “air of excitement.”. I’m calmest when I’m knitting, so I am allowed to knit during my session. It’s a very methodical, soothing way to spend the time. My emotional tone changed too, I became more at ease, more comfortable. I was working on the Tofutsies sock (I’m at the heel already, it’s downstairs, I’m too lazy to go get it to take a picture) in pinks.
I got a notification from Interweave Knits about the No Sheep Secret Pal Skein Swap. They’ll be emailing partners by the 15th. Wouldn’t it be funny if I got my friend P? She sent me a birthday present, she’s so sweet! I’ll post it as soon as I get it.
May 4, 2007
· Filed under gardening, knitting, work
Last night at work (after being on the register, cutter/puller, hostessa, and customer to customer) I landed in the land of elfa®. I met Rich and Cindy, two very nice people with a sign business in Connecticut. They have a space with two master closets and a 14 foot closet in the second bedroom. Fourteen feet. You read that right. So I sketched out the three spaces (full décor in each!), sent them to dinner at 7:21 (Thursdays I work until 8pm), and worked on the computer for the next half hour. At 7:57 I’d finished all three designs for a total of over $4300.00 WITH NO CUTS! Not a one. Now, I know LM wouldn’t be impressed with the shelves not having cuts because décor is always in one or two foot increments, so no need for cuts. However, there were no cuts on the tracks or the standards either. I’m so proud of myself!
We bought ten of these solar-powered lights for the yard at BJ’s last night. They’re copper and kind of arts & crafts-looking. I like them. We planted eight in the back yard and two in the front, on either side of the front steps. I’ll plant the hosta around the one on the right of the stairs.
I’ve done some more on the blanket, not enough of a difference to take pictures though. I’m *still* not done with the damn questionnaire, although I’m closer. There are just some questions I don’t want to answer, or don’t know how to answer. I guess I’ll figure that out. Like everything else, hopefully.
May 2, 2007
· Filed under Doctor Who, G, Life in Peekskill, family, friends, knitting, music, tv, work, yarn
…of my 39th birthday will be spent snuggling up to my sweet hubs, who gave me the funniest card. I’m getting a yarn spree for my birthday (wheee!!!) instead of stuff for the house, which is what we had agreed on earlier for birthdays and stuff, stuff for the house. But I like the yarn spree idea much better. 
I got cut roses and an flowering plant from my brother, a pearl necklace from my mother, and a check from my father. At work, JA announced over the intercom that it was my birthday (“It’s Lys’ birthday. The girl in the red shirt. Let’s sing happy birthday to her.” She is *loud*) and then proceeded to sing Happy Birthday at the top of her lungs. Oh. My. Dear. All day my cow-orkers wished me happy birthday and after JA (her name is an anagram of “jaunty as inane” on Sternest) pulled her little stunt, all the customers did too. It was really nice, even if my face turned as red as my shirt. (“Birthday girl to the register bay, birthday girl to the register bay.”)
I’m close to being done with The Bug’s carriage blanket; I’ve started on the white, have two blocks of that and then two blocks of the dark purple. Maybe I can finish it by the shower (Saturday. Today’s Wednesday. Night. Hmph.). I’ve got to drive it like a Mack truck if I want to get it done.
I’m listening to Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab, ” (“You’re tryin’ to make me go to rehab and I say no, no, no…”) from her album “Back To Black.” She’s really good, really loungey. They’ve been playing “You Know I’m No Good” at work. Awesome. I didn’t know who it was, but NiHu told me. We saw her on some chat show on the BBC with either David Tennant or John Barrowman. They were making fun of the “Rehab” song. Well, time to go to snuggle. ‘Nighty night!
