September 27, 2007
· Filed under Life in Peekskill, bipolar, meds
Clocking in at work at nine in the morning means that I have to get up at seven to be in my car at eight, which means that I have to be ASLEEP by eleven the night before. And if I have to be at work at the more ridiculous hour of eight the fuck am, just roll everything back one more hour. I know it really must seem like I’m whining about this, but I am a total and complete wreck if I don’t get the prescribed amount of sleep. A real and dangerous thing to be while driving down the Taconic at 65 miles an hour (I don’t dare drive any faster than that since I recently got a speeding ticket for doing 80 in a 55. Still waiting on the determination of the fine. Then there’s the “failure to obey a traffic signal” where I spaced and drove down Decatur Street during school hours. You’re not allowed to do that. Fuck a duck.) and I’m dozing off. Chin to chest dozing off. I’ve made an attempt to stave this off by one, GOING TO BED WHEN I’M GODDAMNED SUPPOSED TO, and two, making coffee in the morning. Except this morning when I was so freaking tired that I forgot to put the filter in, thus ruining a perfectly good cup of Green Mountain Hazelnut Coffee. So, this evening after a delicious dinner of chicken and shrimp fried rice, I carefully measured out four teaspoons of ground coffee into the filter, put the filter into the coffeemaker, and filled the chamber with four cups’ worth of water. That makes about two mugs’ worth of coffee. So I’m all set for another early morning. Except I looked at both my Filofax and the photocopied schedule (not believing the first) to find that I’m not due in to work until one pm tomorrow.
The absence of Geodon in my system when I’m due for another dose makes me really fuzzy-brained , and it’s hard to shake off. I’m considering asking my boss if I can work a midday shift, say, 11 - 7 or 12 - 8, instead of opening. Closing shifts are fine too, but I’m thinking ahead to December when I won’t be able to park my car on the street in front of my house through April (we don’t have a driveway to park in, and nearly enough frontage to build one, but not quite without looking horrific), and will instead have to park two blocks away in the (albeit covered) municipal garage. I DON’T LIKE WALKING ALONE AT NIGHT. Okay? I’m a pussy. Even though the police station is across the street from said garage, it’s still two long, cold blocks after ten at night.
Here’s my question: How do I ask for a midday shift without bringing up my illness? It’s the medication that makes it imperative for me to get what some might consider to be an awful lot of sleep, but for me, it’s a life or death thing. I simply haven’t been myself this past week, what with the reduction of the Wellbutrin, killer PMS, and early hour upon early hour, and I fear that it’s reflecting very poorly on me. I’m not thinking straight, I’m making stupid mistakes, and I know that I’m a much better person that what’s coming across. Any suggestions?
September 26, 2007
· Filed under bipolar, meds
Along with 80mg Geodon twice a day, I’m currently taking 75mg once a day, down from 150mg twice a day (this was done at a very slow pace, don’t worry). The reason for reducing the dosage of Wellbutrin is that it wasn’t really working up to snuff any more. I’d sunk so low, for so long, that nothing was helping. That’s when I took myself off the Abilify and sought psychiatric help. Dr. Weiser has me taking the dose I’m at for five more days, then reducing it further to every other day for ten days, then nothing. We have a date to meet again in six weeks, and hopefully we’ll talk about a new antidepressant. Because this fucking PMS is killing me at 75mg; I know that the stuff isn’t working, but I’m unrealistically dreading the next round “clean.” I’m teary and exhausted and depressed and every little thing is setting me off (having to get up at an ungodly hour for work most days, traffic, stupid coworkers, rude customers…). Forget about the big things, the bipolar things. A good whack with 2mg of expired Ativan is enough to thunk those in the head; it’s just the constant stress of everything right now is really wearing me down. My new health insurance kicks in on October 4th; we’ll see if it covers the Ativan and what it’ll actually do with the Geodon. Or am I going to have to get my pdoc to threaten them with a letter decrying that it is a medical necessity? And does that letter go to my employer?
September 23, 2007
· Filed under Halloween, Hello Kitty, bipolar, knitting
And here it is, in all its pinkness! Once I “got” how to add the bangs, it was a snap. Cake and pie…easy as cake, simple as pie. (must stop with the dessert references, I have my nutritionist tomorrow and I believe she’s not going to be very delighted with me. Mall food will do that…but I digress…) I knit for too long on the body before I started the bangs, it’s not the short pageboy-type thing it’s supposed to be, but I really didn’t want it to be that short. I look weird enough in it as it is. No makeup on that face, either. WTG. Still have no idea what I’m going to be for my favorite holiday. I know! Tarina Tarantino’s Pink Head! Yesss!
I’ve been talking rather limitedly with my therapist about death anxiety. It’s really pretty paralyzing at times, the loss of control issue. It appears that I’m a bit of a control freak. Not you! you say, not you! Last night it took two expired Ativan and hand-holding and talking to get me to be able to relax enough to get to sleep. But in the end, I did sleep, and had a better day today.
September 17, 2007
· Filed under Halloween, Life in Peekskill, knitting
Or at least, the people on Ravelry do. I posted a plea for help with the Hallowig on the Think Pink group’s message board, and also sent a message to PassionKNITly, who posted that she’d recently cast on for the same project. I got nearly the same, helpful response from both very quickly, and was then able to frog the five rows that I’d done with decreases in order to cast on 32 more stitches with the backward loop cast on for the bangs, then join (being careful not to twist). Now the diagrams and instructions make sense! If I could only find the little bag with all my stitch markers in it…but I do have the three from my No Sheep For You! Secret Pal Swap, the only swap she sent me (there were supposed to be two). Oh well, I don’t think it’ll put me off doing swaps, even though my downstream swap partner never sent me any acknowledgment that she’d received either of my packages, I had to email her several times to make sure she’d gotten them (she’s in Alaska). Whatever.
I made an appointment with Bill Murdock from Collins Brothers Moving after many problems contacting anyone there. He’s going to come look at the storage units at UHaul to give me an estimate for moving the contents to the house (I KNOW, FINALLY). It’s going to save us over five hundred dollars a month, money better spent on therapy, yarn, Shun knives, anything but storing all the inventory from long-defunct My Favorite Things. With it all at the house, G will be able to photograph it and I’ll be able to eBay it. I apologized in advance when I told him that most of it would be going into the attic. On the third floor. And what wouldn’t make it into the attic would go into the basement. I have no freaking idea where I’m going to put the flat files. But I Will. Not. Get. Rid of them. Might help to empty them out before moving them. They’re really freaking heavy even empty. And what to do with my beautiful front counter? I’m going to call United House Wrecking and see if they’ll buy it back from me. I no longer feel that I need to keep it, but it was très cher, and I’m not dumping it. Then there’s still the storage compartment at Westy’s to think about. I have no idea where the key is though. Might pose a small problem. I’m sure they’ve got a fix for that. I’m sure I’m not the first one.
September 14, 2007
· Filed under Halloween, Life in Peekskill, knitting, shopping
Especially the fabric pictured at left. I bought two yards of it at Repro Depot, along with a yard of this circa 1964 authentic Marimekko pattern, and this paisley thrown in for good measure (Apparently, that fabric is no longer available on the site. My apologies, and when I frame it, I’ll snap a photo. It isn’t nearly as terrif as the other two IRL)). My intention is to frame a piece of each of these for the walls of my office, which I plan on painting Sherwin-Williams’ Desire Pink. The trim is going to be Mélange Green, with accents of Knockout Orange, and Faraway Blue (think really, really pale) for the ceiling. If you go to the Sherwin-Williams website and launch the Color Visualizer, it lets you design your room with paint, looking at all different setups. It’s really cool!
I went to my Stitch and Bitch Wednesday night, the first time in months, and only my third time ever. It’s a rowdy, raucous group, a lot of fun. The only help I got for the Hallowig, however, was the thought that the bangs might be done using short rows. Definitely not worked in the round like the pattern says. I’ll keep checking Ravelry, and I may end up emailing the designer, Megan Reardon, in the end. As it is, I’ve begun decreases at the front of the wig. It isn’t going to be very pretty, I’m afraid. I’m already thinking about tinking back all the progress I made. Le sigh.
September 13, 2007
· Filed under shopping, yarn
Hie your ass over to The Animal Rescue Site and spend $5.95 + $1.00 shipping for this set of two vinyl cling pet alert decals. Not only is it a brilliant idea to have on your front and back door windows in case of emergency, but The Animal Rescue Site will fund 14.0 bowls of food for animals living in sanctuaries and shelters for each each set of Save My Pet Window Clings purchased. If you’ve never visited the site, it’s an easy, free way to donate what’s needed, to whom it’s needed most. They’re aligned with The Hunger Site, where sponsors pay for cups of food for the world’s hungry, The Breast Cancer Site, where sponsors pay for mammograms for women in need, The Child Health Site, where sponsors pay for healthcare for children in need, The Literacy Site, where sponsors pay for books for those in need, and The Rainforest Site, where sponsors pay for habitat protection. You can click once per day per site. GO NOW, you won’t regret it. The attached stores have some great stuff available, too, like this yarn, recycled in Tibet and Nepal from vibrantly colored silk scraps in a rainbow of colors. Or this yarn, fibers from the banana plant’s trunk are softened, dried, and spun into yarn that’s softer than wool, like a soft cotton with a texture that’s almost papery. Oh hell, just enter “yarn” into the search engine in one of the stores and check out the fiber overload!
September 10, 2007
· Filed under Life in Peekskill, tv
We just got home from a Peekskill Common Council meeting where there was a public forum on the vote for Verizon’s FiOS television service to be available to Peekskill residents. The Council voted a resounding YES on the contract, and we will no longer be under Cablevision’s tyrannical rule. G got up to speak a short piece about how FiOS availability was one of the top reasons why we moved to Peekskill, and the Verizon reps thanked him after the meeting (I’m so proud!). No more irritating Optimum Online ads hogging tv time, no more incompetent techs and reps, no more cable whatsoever. As many of the speakers noted, competition is healthy and a good thing for all concerned. Of course, there were some of the usual suspects who got up to speak (most notably Ray, a guy we refer to as “Timmy/Jimmy,” after the South Park characters. He’s in a motorized wheelchair, is on public assistance, lives in a HUD apartment, stutters and stammers, and generally has no clue as to what he’s talking about. Ever.) Every time the Cablevision guy (hisss) spoke about some point, someone from Verizon was right there to combat his views. There were union people there, Verizon workers, official reps. When the Council voted in the affirmative, there was thunderous applause. One of the Verizon guys took down G’s name and number; we should be able to sign up mid-October. Hallelujah (cue Handel’s Messiah)!
September 9, 2007
· Filed under Halloween, books, knitting, spinning, work
has been finished. I cried my silly eyes out at the end, and I’m still teary just thinking about it, but I’m happy. Happy to have the conclusion, happy knowing that it is a series that I will definitely read over and over again. And for those of you who’ve also finished reading Deathly Hallows, happy for all the reasons you, erm, know about. What drama!
Today was register training day at work. Although slim, the training was sufficient to get me through the first few sales and returns without fear of catastrophe. Working retail for twenty plus years has given me a great appreciation for the ways of the cash register, with all its individual tweaks and oddments (”Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”), and the register at C&B is no different. Well, very different, but in essence, exactly the same. You ring things up, you collect money, you give a receipt and the merchandise. There’s a great parting of the ways between the culture at TCS and at C&B, and for that I am truly grateful. C&B stands behind her employees much more firmly, with little to no exception being made in the running of things. I won’t go into the gruesome details, but there is a much stricter adherence to policy; there are definite rules in black and white, where at TCS, every single thing was a shade of grey, open to discussion. I thrive on that adherence, it seems, I need people to play by the rules. I spent a good portion of my therapy in learning how to stop trying to get everyone to play by the rules, learning that it was not my responsibility to be the policing faction, to just “go with the flow” (something I still rail against mightily) and let people get away with, if not murder, then some semblance of unfairness. I don’t believe that the squeaky wheel should get the grease. Straighten up and fly right, and stop asking for what isn’t rightfully yours. Stop trying to get over on everyone. No one owes you anything special, just because you think they do and you happen to have a big mouth. End of rant.
Tomorrow’s another day off (my new, regular day off, besides Saturday). I’ve got errands planned (bank, stupidmarket, nail salon) and perhaps I’ll get in some spinning. I’ve got questions about the pattern for the Hallowig, but no one to turn to in real life; I bought the yarn at WalMart and can’t very well go to a reputable yarn shop and beg assistance. Maybe I can email some of the Ravelry members who’ve knit it and ask for help. It’s worth a shot.
September 8, 2007
· Filed under Life in Peekskill, shopping, work
I’m thinking of this to house our plasma tv and most of the smattering of our DVDs that actually have jewel cases, have been thinking about it ever since the C&B catalog came right after we bought the tv, and have begun thinking about it with greater abandon now that I have the job and consequently, the 30% discount. I can’t remember whether it’s down in Housewares or up in Furniture (makes a three-month difference; I can’t buy Furniture Furniture on discount until 90 days from my start date, but I can buy Housewares Furniture right away), doesn’t really matter since we don’t really have the do-re-mi right now, and it would make an absolutely fabulous Festivus present to my hubs.
For some reason, C&B employees now receive a discount on Sherwin-Williams Paint, which is very fortuitous thing, since we’ve just about decided on colors, although they change somewhat whenever we visit friends with nicely-painted walls. Like when we visited Jenn & Uli in Jersey and marveled at the almost-chartreuse walls in their dining room, and then today, when visiting my brother and Priscille in Connecticut and I saw how lovely their dark red-brown their dining room was. I have to agree, it looked great, and we do get a lot of light in our dining room (four huge, tall windows with nine-foot ceilings and pocket doors leading to the other rooms), so that a dark shade might not totally suck the life out of me. I really thought that it might. I’ve already bought curtains that I like in a palish blue linen, so the walls will have to go with them, but dark won’t be bad. G, you win. It just needs to be a warm dark, not cold, okay?
September 8, 2007
· Filed under G, Léa, family, food
my delicious niece, had her second birthday party today. She is, quite possibly, the most beautiful child on the planet. Don’t believe me? Judge for yourself!
She didn’t seem to recognize her Tata Lysa and Oncle Gary at first, but then warmed right up to us, leading me into her playroom to show me her stereo and cds and toys (my goodness, the toys!). We all had a wonderful time, devouring a buttercream-and-chocolate-mousse gateau with three tiny blue candles on it. She actually blew out the last candle and was taken aback when we all applauded (”bravo!”). She was particularly interested in the Play-Doh she received as a gift, going back to it again and again until we snuck it away from her so she could open more cadeaux. My mother and father were there (Grand-mere et Pop-Pop), as well as her French babysitter, Marie-Laurence. She’s saying more and more things, (”eat” and “cake”, although not together) and it’s just a matter of time until we won’t be able to keep up with her. As a bilingual child, she’s somewhat slower to put words together, but when she finally does, it’ll be a torrent. In two languages.
We had a nice time talking with Sam and Priscille after Mademoiselle went up for her nap, and stopped for dinner in Pound Ridge at an Italian restaurant called DiNardo’s. Spent more than we normally would, even on sushi, but the meal was a good one, and we won’t be doing it again soon.
New blog! Gary and I have a new photo journal called Cats, Sheep, & Penguins, that will catalog more of our lives together. Check it out!
