I forgot AGAIN to take my second dose of Geodon today. At 7:59 pm, I wrote, “I have no smiles left” on a business card and tucked it into my pocket. At 8:45 pm, I took out the card and wrote, “Some days I feel more like one of the ‘little people’ than others. Today is one of those days.” I just didn’t care anymore, about helping the customers, those elitist, pampered, black-metal-Amex-wielding contemptuous snobs. Didn’t care about your “little pile” of goodies tucked away for you at the counter, nor your penchant for putting wooden utensils in the dishwasher so you have to rebuy them every stinking year, nor your need for me to wrap your things in extra tissue because you’re traveling. I. Just. Don’t. Care. About. You.
What I do care about was the sympathetic voice at the other end of the telephone when I called home. The voice that told me that a delicious dinner would be ready when I got there. The voice that told me I was silly for not taking my meds, not stupid, but silly. It occurs to me that I should have known that such a global shift in attitude was a drug-related thing, but I’m such a rapid cycler that it could have been totally normal for me. Which is really fucking unacceptable. I need to get into a new routine with these meds. They are not to be missed. I can’t fucking function. The candy cane I found as if it were left just for me perked me up a bit, but only while I ate it. I wasn’t able to draw on it, make it last.
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On this day: Thanksgiving was fun 2005
Bipolarlawyercook said,
November 25, 2007 @ 8:20 am
Can you set up a google calendar? I have mine send me reminders to my cell phone, which is on vibrate– that way I don’t forget. Let me know if you need a gmail invite, I have tons.
penny said,
November 25, 2007 @ 10:50 pm
silly goose. i had to switch the time of a med (which i could do because of what it is) because i never remembered when i woke up, but always (knock) before bed.
i agree with bipolarlawyercook on the calendar reminders … i think there are also other services which will txt you too…
filofaxes are great, but sometimes i need something to thwack me and remind me to do something. my husband is good for that, but he doesn’t work when i’m at an office.
(likewise for gmail invite goodness)
{hugs}
bipolarbear said,
November 26, 2007 @ 12:59 am
Unfortunately for me, I don’t work at a desk, and am on my feet all day away from phones and Filofaxes and things. What I need to do is take the damn thing when I get my break.